Don’t mind the squeeze, it’s sexy time!

Oct 12, 2016 08.00PM |

by Yen Feng

“YOU need a very small space to have sex.”

F*** me, is the G giving us advice about sex now? I suppose after decades of asking everyone to make more babies, we should have seen the sex talk, ahem, coming.

Unsurprising, that it came from Mrs Josephine Teo – even if it did come up unexpectedly in Parliament yesterday (Oct 11). The Senior Minister of State for Transport and Foreign Affairs, who heads the National Population and Talent Division, is nothing if not committed to the job.

The matchmaker-in-chief is known for her naked style of talking about boy-girl relationships. Think back to earlier this year, when she urged Singaporeans to be more, well, hands-on.

This was after a trip she made to Seoul, where singles were more open to dating, she said on Facebook.

“Proactively reaching out to meet new friends, openness to getting help… Seem to be the essential ingredients to enjoyable and successful dating. Can this style of dating help more Singaporean singles, perhaps?”

That was in March. For those of you who took her advice 10 months ago, I guess there’s no sexy time like the present to take it to a “very small space” the next level to consummate the relationship – if you haven’t already.

And by that, I mean have really uncomfortable, do-it-for-your-country sex.

I’m queasy just thinking about it. Having Mrs Teo, a Senior Minister of State and Member of Parliament, remind me that sex in Economy Class accommodations is as good for child-bearing purposes feels too much like my own mother haranguing me to give her a grandchild.

She has good intentions but aww, come on, Mom! Butt out!

And where exactly was Mrs Teo thinking this “very small space” could be?

The most obvious option would be in a car. But since we’re trying to be a car-lite society… Maybe in one of those new driverless taxis?

Not the void deck or HDB lift, of course. CCTV everywhere!

To be fair, she wasn’t trying to be “too kaypoh”, which was what she said the G should not be doing – sticking their noses where they don’t belong.

She was responding in Parliament to how couples preferred to have a flat before having a child. This meant they would not be eligible for the Parenthood Priority Scheme, which gives first-time married couples dibs on choosing a flat if they have a child or if one’s on the way.

You don’t need to have a flat to make a baby, she said, quipping: “You need a very small space to have sex.”

Mrs Teo is not only stumping for humping in small spaces. In a separate interview with The Straits Times last week, she seemed to be egging on couples to have premarital sex.

“In France, in the UK, in the Nordic countries, man meets woman, tonight they can make a baby already. They love each other… They don’t have to worry about marriage – that comes later,” she said. 

There’s a practical benefit to this, she added: Trying to have a baby earlier means you’ll also know earlier if you need help getting pregnant.

“You never really know that you’re not fertile until you try. Unfortunately, it is one of those things,” she said.

Have a baby before you get married, try it first in case you can’t conceive… It makes you wonder how much of this is the politician, the mother, or the woman speaking.

Singapore needs more babies – more so now than ever as the nation is one of the fastest ageing societies in the world. That’s the politician. But is that what she will tell her own three teenage children when they become sexually curious adults?

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate how pragmatic and Singaporean she is about all this. But surely, as a woman, she also wants the romance, the excitement, the fun?

I know I do. Because having sex in a tight spot is really not that fun. It’s all arms and legs and you stop feeling aroused once the novelty wears off. I’d want a big, comfy bed – even if that’s not where I end up.

In any case, it’s not for me to judge. Which seemed to also be Mrs Teo’s preferred position when it came to people who choose to go childless and be on their own.

On the topic of whether single people were “doing their part for society”, she said: “There are many reasons why people remain single. Sometimes, for very good reasons. Why should we pass judgment on them?”

So go ahead, have sex wherever you like, married or not. Have a child, don’t have a child, it’s up to you – as it should be. There’s enough room to live and let live.

As for Mrs Teo’s advice to have sex in “a very small space”, I think I’ll pass. For me, size still matters.


Featured image by Natassya Diana.

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