by Felix Cheong
It seems like Singaporeans have found themselves a new pastime – filing police reports. The past week alone saw two police reports filed against former Nominated MP Calvin Cheng, for incitement to violence. Add to that police reports filed against Amos Yee earlier this year, filed by National Solidarity Party, and another by Workers Party candidate Daniel Goh during GE2015 and so on, and it seems like our boys in blue have no time to nab criminals but spend their days attending to people with grievances to air.
In the satirical story below, writer Felix Cheong speculates what would happen if we took this habit too far.
To cater to Singaporeans’ increasing urge to file police reports, for big matters or trivial pursuits that take place at home or in the office, there will be a new assessment component in this year’s GCE ‘O’ level English paper.
Designed by Cambridge especially for the local market, the ‘Filing a Police Report’ component is worth twenty percent of the overall grade.
Students are expected to imagine themselves sitting in a freezing neighbourhood police post, armed with a pen and a heavy dose of grievance, facing a police corporal at the end of his long shift. Students are to write a clear, coherent report based on vague facts.
They may choose from one of the following scenarios:
– A mother who cannot control her son with a bad haircut
– A blogger whose ego is two sizes too big for her head, complaining about another blogger whose mouth is two sizes too big for her face
– A politician complaining about another politician complaining about another politician complaining about the first politician
Students have forty minutes to complete the task. They will be assessed on how they sequence events such that they appear so aggrieved, pained or fearful that a police report is deemed a civic necessity.
A separate component, ‘Writing a Petition’, is currently being planned by Cambridge and is expected to be implemented next year.
Felix Cheong is an award-winning author of 10 books, including the satirical Singapore Siu Dai series.
Featured image by Najeer Yusof.
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